Travels with El Boyo

Wooooosh! I cannae believe I've only got a week left in Cheelay - me Sarf American adventure is coming to an end *sob sob, sniff sniff*. Actually, it's not really that tearful, but more of that later. Time for a wee recap mefinks...

...after what could only have seemed like an eternity, my beloved Christophe arrives in the land of the Latinos on the 19th May. Naturally, someone decides it would be a good idea for Santiago to undergo several days of continuous heavy rain, much to Cristobal's disgust - "It's not a proper holiday if there ain't no sunshine!" Luckily for us, it isn't long before we head off to the Inka-tastic city of Cuzco, Peru. Foolishly enough, I decide we should have people over for drinkskis before our 6am flight, so no sleep for us. We finally arrive after a convoluted plane journey, and the high altitude takes a little getting used to - a warm cup of "mate de coca" helps when we get to our hostel, a drink of cocoa leaves in hot water that alleviates the usual symptoms of headaches and nausea. It's a beautiful place though, all narrow streets set on steep hills with mucho original Inka architectural details.

The next morning, it's straight onto the Machu Picchu backpacker express. British Rail this ain't - the first half hour involves plenty of back-and-forth action and the whole journey is kinda jerky; naturally, tis all part of the experiencia. We get to Aguas Calientes, the little pueblo situated close to the famous ruins, and proceed to discover the joys of Latin American small-town efficiency: there's only one cash machine in town and it's out of dinero. As we're on a tight schedule, this almost spells complete disaster. Fortunately, the charming receptionist at our hotel proves to be a lifesaver, as her restaurant-owner friend agress to sort us out a cash-back type deal. The locals are just a teensy bit in-your-face when it comes to touting their establishments; after walking up and down the main drag several times, one of them even cries out to us: "Why you no eat something?!"

Machu Picchu itself is utterly stunning, as expected. As per usual, however, the animals steal the show - we encounter possibly the cutest dog ever, christened Machu Poochy by some middle-aged American ladies, and the llamas scattered around the sight are alternately adorable and amoosing. The following day, we embark on an epic tour of "The Sacred Valley of the Incas", complete with Ernie, our delightful guide. We may not understand every word he says, but his infectious laugh totally wins us over. At the all-inclusive buffet lunch, I try "ceviche", the Peruvian speciality of fish cooked only in lemon juice. All very tasty, but the next day we're both suffering/throwing up. Hmmm, maybe the hair in the apple pie was a giveaway...

One whirlwind of a trip is followed immediately by another: time to return to Good Airs and show Chris the wonders of possibly my favourite city on the continent. We are blessed with another entertaining guide on our city tour, mainly due to her hilariously over-the-top sing-songy intonation when she says "Buuueeeenos Aiiiiiires". We take advantage of the opportunity to eat plenty of the best steak in the world - our good friend Stefano takes us to an all-you-can-eat restaurant where you can have as much meat and salad as you want, a bottle of wine or litre of beer each AND a delicious dessert, all for around 7 quid - que bargainous! We also make it to one of the strangest places I've been to so far, Tierra Santa. Described as a "religious theme park", it contains sculptural recreations of all the major biblical events, as well as some dramatically creaky shows such as Creation - who knew it had such an impressive laser light show - and the Nativity. All in all: a truly indescribable tack-fest.